I like eating things that have a face. I like eggs, I like butter, I like lard. My friend Tracy is a vegan and when I offered to bake her a cake and she requested a vegan chocolate, I totally rolled my eyes. Then I got to work.

There are a ton of vegan chocolate cake recipes on the internet. Literally hundreds. It's a bit confusing, but I found one that promised to be the best vegan cake on the planet. I found the recipe on Instructables and it can be found here

Vegan Chocolate Cake
1 1/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup warm water
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp distilled white or apple cider vinegar

Chocolate Glaze:
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp margarine
2 tbsp soy milk
2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Mix together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt, making sure it's well blended. Add the water, vanilla, oil, and vinegar and blend well. Place in oven and bake for about 30 minutes, or until a knife comes out clean. Cool on a rack completely (2 hours).

For the glaze, in a small saucepan, bring sugar, margarine, milk, and cocoa to a boil. Stir frequently; then reduce heat to a simmer for 2 minutes, stirring constantly. It looks like diarrhea but it's good. Remove from heat, stir for another minute or so.

Add vanilla, stir, and immediately pour onto cake. Glaze dries really quickly, so spread it immediately and add any sprinkles now. Let cool or serve.

You could also put chopped walnuts or peanuts or fresh fruit on top and then add the glaze, or in my case, you could put a bag of plastic babies:

Tracy and I have identical cats. Cleo (or Cleeberton, or Clebumby) is Stella's senior by a few years, but she has the same cattitude and perpetual glare. We always talk about how they look like they're wearing "baggy brown jumpsuits" and that they're so cute, with a baby on top. I don't know how the baby on top started, but it became part of the lexicon. Imagine my joy when I found a bag of plastic babies the day I was going to make her cake. I knew that a vegan chocolate cake with a baby on top would make her shit her pants with joy. And I was right.

Now we put the babies on everything:

Makes sense, no? After we cut into the cake, it looked like the babies were drunk:


This cake really is delicious. I think it's better even than some cakes I've made that aren't vegan. It's really moist and lovely. Make it, you won't be disappointed.