I naturally assume that if something is complicated or tricky or requiring any kind of skill, I will not be able to do it. As a self-taught cook, I feel this even more acutely in the kitchen. Maybe this is because when I moved out of my house, my family gave me three separate fire extinguishers. Not one - three. As if one would never be up to the job of the kind of destruction I was capable of. They naturally assumed I would find a way to blow myself up, and I generally agreed with them.

But what kind of asshole blames their family for their imagined shortcomings when they're 33? Not this asshole. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only could I make crepes so paper thin they melt on your tongue, but I could make fucking delicious crepes so paper thin they melt on your tongue. If I can, so can you. My directions and recipe below:


1 cup all-purpose flour
2 eggs
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter, melted
Mix all ingredients together and blend first with a spoon, then a whisk to get all the lumps out. Lightly oil a frying pan on medium-high heat. Pick up frying pan by the handle and ladle approx. 1/4 cup of batter into the centre of the pan, and rotate so batter coats the entire surface of the bottom of the pan. Let cook for about 2 minutes, then flip.

To serve, coat with butter and granulated sugar and lemon if you like.

I'm not going to pretend that I didn't eat these as they came off the griddle, liberally doused with sugar and butter. I love this no-job thing. And? I didn't really have to eat for the rest of the day. You should only stuff yourself sick once a day, I think.